Invisable

Life isn't a bed of roses. I am learning that day by day. But it is not good to become a skeptic, because no one likes a skeptic for anything but to intrigue. I try to figure out what people like. What makes people comfortable? A pretty face, a kind smile, a loud laugh? What can you do when people don't want to figure things out about you in return? Sure, growing up we were told if people don't want to be nice and learn about you they are missing out. But aren't you missing out just as much?
Sometimes life can be so lonely when you feel people have forgotten, or you live in a world where no one you see everyday cares. It's sad when you have to question if you'll ever be good enough. What do they see that I don't? Is there a difference between them and me? Do I seem unapproachable? Does anyone catch me on my good days? Are all my days, bad days now, because I am always lonely? I'm glad things don't take care of themselves. I'm glad I have to fend for my rights to live. It's okay that no one understands me, and that no one puts in the effort, because it isn't easy. Have you noticed that people don't persue things that are tough? If it's worth fighting for then let come easy. If it doesn't seem worth it, just let it be. What if God thought that way? What if that was how He treated us. Looking at us as hopeless mistakes. Sometimes I just want to scream and wave my arms in the air. Other times I want to just say screw it, and run away to a secret hide away. That's my conclusion to everything - run away. I tell you, if I lived all my life like that I'd never be able to call a place home. I wouldn't stick around long enough. Because we can never find utter perfection. We will never be content. Why do we even bother?
So I've always been good at faking. I've always been able to put on a smile. I've always been able to lie "I'm fine" through my teeth, and no one cares enough to hear the truth behind, because if there is anything wrong that would mean they'd have to take time out of their New York minute to dig deeper. Then I'd only be an attention seeker. And I would never want that. I like being invisable.